Growing up our house was always full of people staying in the spare room during hard times or people sitting round the kitchen table asking for advice. But I’m curious as to how it’s working for her now and if she’s made any changes now that the little one is probably out of a crib? There’s not a more defining wedding song than this one. Why recent progress by Matt Haarms and Caleb Lohner may have BYU in position to make a run. We’ve felt as though we’ve parented differently, but we’re feeling more confident in our (family) skin these days, knowing that living in light of your own values is really all that matters. SHARE. I think we were minimalists long before it became a thing…ours was purely circumstantial. If this is a same-sex wedding and there are two grooms, be sure to get even more specific than simply stating that you’re the father of the groom. And I chose “be kind” over “be nice” because I feel like there is more depth to kindness than niceness. In other words, serve guests first. The good traits for my family would be: loyalty, grittiness, independence (my parents were insistent on us learning how to take care of ourselves and not just focus on school for example), The tough traits: stubborn, dramatic, tendency to overcomplicate plans (we seem to be able to build successful careers but totally cannot coordinate smooth pick-ups/drop-offs, waiting for the sears guys, etc. Moody We’re hoping to raise her with a fiery sense of self and a steadiness that defies some of the external pressures of our culture. I think our family is now a combination of those two families of origin and our relationship: energetic, creative, a love of learning, demonstrative, bold and grateful. It sort of sets a mission statement for my parenting by which I can check my own actions. I was wondering the same thing! Saying goodbye, for now: “Bye Bye Bye” — NSync. It went along with her insistence on being “yes” people rather than “no” people and her belief in Murphy’s Law. We both work full time. physically demonstrative is so, so sweet. can’t say enough how much i appreciate it. For example, when trying to decide or agree on where to spend resources, it helps to ask questions like “How can we invest in experiences for our family that open opportunities for adventure and service, rather than just accumulate more ‘things’?” We even had a graphic designer friend design a poster of our mission statement that we have framed and hanging in our house so we are always reminded! Thank you for sharing. My son is still home with me so this is all new to him. Our family has grown up and over the past 31 years through all the milestones,celebrations,losses and in betweens are 3 values that I think have stuck with our kids and us. I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. Here’s to hoping we get most of this right! Find out by listening to this playlist. It’s sobering to think of how we might describe ourselves now (maybe I’m being too hard on myself?) Your post is making me realize that’s what we have– a mantra! Also, think back to how you were raised. Kenny Chesney’s smooth country song reflects on the days of a relationship, ending with how you handle life after the one you love has passed away. Parenting is not easy — but one thing I’ve always felt good about is encouraging our boys to be friendly and kind to others. We always pitch it as value added to them. I love both our sides of the family to bits, but I think it’s time that my hubby, me & our little Oliver define how we want to be described. These comments make me feel like the world is going to be ok. I’ve done work with Lisa McCrohan and she is brilliant! I still stand by that. ), but at the time it was so sad to watch because it was as if my little guy could understand that he wasn’t wanted there. The singer is stuck and unable to sleep from the deep level of hurt he feels for missing the one he loves. Every day growing up, when we left for school, my mom would tell us, “Be good, be nice, be smart!”. This 100% comes from both of my parents who always encouraged us to always go that extra mile – and now its something I hold so dear and hope to encourage within my own children when I have them. They put a big angry sign up by their gate wishing the person who had done it a terrible Christmas (in not quite so nice language). It still carries the negative connotation of daddy issues, and it is used to describe emotionally unavailable men. We are also wanting to grow in our service to others and acts of kindness, even if it’s as small as thinking of holding the door open for someone or looking into someone’s eyes to ask them how they are. i don’t have kids yet, but my husband and i are very intentional about creating the type of family we want even before kids are part of it, so that once we have one, those norms are already set. A couple years ago, we were staying at a friend’s house, and I spotted The Secrets of Happy Families on a bookshelf. For me, seeing who we ARE was helpful, but in the day-to-day I work with ideals I WANT us to be more. This sounds so much like the Strengths Based Leadership test, which is a personality test that spits out 5 of your greatest strengths, much like the ones you’ve listed here. That is thought provoking -in a gentle way! Be kind and forgive. Because the fullness of God’s divine essence is present in the Son of God, Jesus could say to Philip, “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9). Thank you for such a great post Joanna! Relationship to God the father. Thank you for helping me get through this minute. that’s so self-aware and inspiring. I want them to be kind-hearted, not well trained to be nice on the surface. Joanna, thank you for this wonderful post. Recently I moved into a new apartment and my sister came over to visit. Thank you for reading! Start your day with the top stories you missed while you were sleeping. Family-Related Word. What would you say are a few of your — or your family’s — core values? You’ll see, when you start giving. The next day the sign was replaced with a huge board simply saying ‘Thank You to all of the strangers who have offered us kindness, you have made the loss of something very dear easier to bear’. In my nuclear family, I hope to retain some of the strengths, but also to grow past some of the weaknesses, to be more compassionate, listening, seeking more opportunities to serve others, and valuing the inherent worth of others while seeking to understand their perspective. This list is definitely a better version of what I was going for. Thanks for being such an inspirational role model Jo. * We’re water people. A topic my husband and I revisit often as we raise two little citizens of the world. You can’t control what happens to people, but if you can make them smile (or to quote Maya Angelou ‘be the rainbow in their cloud’) then you have done your best. We really hope to raise our daughter to be in touch with her own emotions and aware of others, in an inclusive and compassionate way. Oh! YOU have shown strength and love and I so appreciate the push forward. I think I’d like my future family to have the same values and maybe add adventure and thoughtful just for good measure. Working hard, being deliberate with choices. Saeed Saeed. still admits that they’re all “going to be a family,” which shows the singer still values the institution of marriage. I LOVE that you included ‘messy’! We sometimes get caught up in our pride as humans and forgive in a shallow way or we forget to truly forgive, which can cause bitterness. “Might sound crazy/but it ain’t no lie/Baby bye bye bye,” sings the pop group, adding that all couples, at one point or another, have to say goodbye. I’m crying at the bus stop. Neither one sleeps through the night. This wasn’t on the list, but I love that my family is consistent. ” Losing money is losing a little bit, Looking back, it was probably hard for my parents to raise five kids in such small quarters, but they were so good at making things feel special. i’ve found that to be one of the hardest (maybe THE hardest?) The salesperson probably thought it was some line my father was feeding him because when he came back the next day to purchase the TV, the salesperson turned to me and said “your father is a man of his word.” This is a silly instance, but I’d like to think it resonates broader for our family and hopefully for me. Forevermore: “Don’t Stop Believin’” — Journey. Gosh, now this is something I want to explore… I’ve recently started telling my kids to “Be Kind and Brave!” so that’s a start…. Updated: February 17, 2021. The best advice I can give about this excruciating transition- take time in whatever increments you can handle. A new poll shows that Republicans and Democrats disagree about the seriousness of cancel culture. But in saying that, I’d love to add in Adventurous, Imagination and Passion! It’s sobering to think of how we might describe ourselves now (maybe I’m being too hard on myself?) It shows you how to develop an affinity for determining what the people around you need to feel loved so that you can then offer love to them in the way that is most recognizable to them. http://cupofjo.com/2015/01/brooklyn-apartment-tour/. When I read your comment, I decided to read the article and comments. * We’re French. We strive to be realistic and dependable in all situations. I kept using it as my new mantra when we needed it. my parents just weren’t avid learners/explorers. An important contributor to the discussion concerning the proper relationship between Church and state was St. Augustine, who in The City of God, Book XIX, Chapter 17, examined the ideal relationship between the "earthly city" and the "city of God". After reading the list of potential phrases to choose from, I realized that (of course) families may have different priorities or goals — being brave or athletic may be huge in one family, being spiritual and hardworking could be very important in another, or being creative and innovative might be key. Example Sentence. We're all in different stages of a relationship. The word Abba is an Aramaic word that means “Father.” It was a common term that expressed affection and confidence and trust. It took me a minute (and reading others’ comments) to come up with mine. Ugh, I hit post and immediately thought of the real #1 big one for us: It’s not three words, in fact it’s only two, but my new life mantra is to Love Loudly. To make it easy to find just the term you want, the family-related words are presented in alphabetical order. it’s so, so hard to hear about difficult/hurtful social dynamics with other kids. Linsey. My Dad and I immediately hatched a plan and anonymously bought the family flowers and wrote a note letting them know that they weren’t alone and that not all people are heartless bast***s as their sign said. In order to grow our small business, Cup of Jo earns revenue in a few different ways. As Finley Quaye sings with his smoky voice, Beth Orton sweetly backs him up with, “Nothing can compare to when you roll the dice and swear your love is for me.”. When misconceptions about God are present (i.e. have you heard this conan quote? Compassion and kindness is a huge one for my family. Lo xo “Trust” or “loyalty” would be top for me, because I want our family to be safe and dependable for those in it and for friends of our family. Today and every day, I will do my BEST! this post made me sad because my family is broken, currently in the throes of a terrible divorce. To my new family and friends, I’m Joe and I’m the father of the groom. We have tried to focus on cultivating kindness, open-mindedness and adventurousness, but I feel inspired to focus more on service. my parents weren’t big readers, aside from romance novels for my mom, and i don’t think i ever watched a documentary with my family. there’s something so great about actually naming them. Recently, he ran up to my friend who was pushing her daughter in a stroller and said, “I help push Mia.” In addition, he would say to the other kids, “Watch out! * We use our intuition. Keep reaching out & staying kind to yourself. xo I want her to be kind and be the kid that sticks up for others. It came quite easily, because it is actually my mom’s maiden name! We are both remarried, with additional kids (one each), and work hard to do what’s best for the kids. It took them a long time to warm up to my fiance! Committing to a relationship: “I’m Yours” — Jason Mraz. Better ask the parents. And it includes “generosity of spirit” – that we don’t assume the worst intentions and are able to extend grace to others. Says Linsey: “We converted the crib into a toddler bed by removing the rails — its tight, but she still fits ok… for now at least!”, Here’s her apartment tour, if anyone’s curious! I know its an odd example, but I was raised by people who taught me this was how you should react to anyone’s suffering – with unfailing compassion and kindness. Wedding night: “Colorblind” — Counting Crows. oh wow, what a friend your Linsey is! It’s incredibly painful. That’s what U2’s hit song describes when they sing, “You don’t have to put up a fight./You don’t have to always be right./Let me take some of the punches for you tonight.” The song ultimately shows marriage is something shared between two people, where they “don’t have to go it alone,” and can share each moment together. I also really want my kids to be open-minded, tolerant and generous (we live in a very conservativ and individualistic part of our country and I feel rowing against the tide very, very often). I never saw it that way until now. Now, as I’m older, I’m more aware of expressing appreciation. * We go to college. this is really interesting! Speech transitions smooth over the boundary between two ideas, and reveal the relationship … To learn more or opt-out, read our Cookie Policy. Apple Music just launched. Almost makes me wish that I could have that learning experience for my children but also a sign that I’m not looking hard enough :), “Not perfect” – what a pressure-reliever. What a great idea! When they’re gone: “I Miss You” — Blink 182. You aren’t the only one. Me too, Jaclyn, a year and a half out. Raising race-conscious children, and how would you describe yourself in five words? Helpfulness, generosity, inclusion, education. Growing up, my dad would always drop us off at school with the parting words: “Study hard. One of them yelled to him, “go away! This is 100% different from my upbringing, so there’s a lot of hard work put into this. So thoughtful and inspiring. I don’t know why I started saying it. I want them to dig deep and to be brave and strong, even when that feels hard. oh, jaclyn, i’m so so sorry to hear that. (I liked this article about teaching kids to be “includers.”) Funnily enough, now that I’m thinking about it, we even chose Toby’s name simply because it sounded friendly. But we’ve never really discussed it. Love to you all sisters. How Would You Describe Your Family in Three Words? The song shows how special a moment this night can be. This is how my family collectively defined us when we did this exercise a while back: The Utah Jazz already know coach Quin Snyder will be on hand at the NBA All-Star festivities on March 7. A few of my core values now are empathy, curiosity, authenticity and fun. I love this post. I love it when she finishes the mantra for me. the words we tend to believe are: I am not good enough; I am … Still stand by that too. Typing it back, it actually sounds sort of funny (what sort of insult is booty-face?! In the song, Charli XCX talks about the impact of a “first kiss” and how she wants the flirting to continue. “Forever Young” by Youth Group is certainly a song that describes that time in your life, when you’re reflecting on the life you’ve lived and what comes next for your children. Seeking approval from the in-laws: “Rude” — Magic! Copyright © 2020 Deseret News Publishing Company. There’s nothing more committal than telling someone you’re theirs. Maybe they will be the same. It is likely very easy to talk about your family tree in your native language but are you able to do the same when speaking in English? So right now my three words are dysfunction, sadness and confusion. enthusiasm, imagination, kindness – with kindness being number one. ‘I’m just freaking out’: Utah siblings blow ‘American Idol’ judges away. My parents are not very accepting of other people into our friend or family group. We’re really just starting our family. I think it would be: welcoming, generous, colourful. And mom would make it feel like a home.” Truer words have never been spoken. sometimes a minute seems impossible! One story I remember is that they went to go buy a TV at an electronic store and my father told the salesperson that they would be back the next day to make the decision and finalize everything. It gives you a new and empowering way to view yourself and empowers you to continue to cultivate your own strengths! Learning words that describe family members is must for students who want to master English. Then the first boy yelled, “I hate you booty-face!” and I took my son away from them and over to the other side of the park. Love to Learn (I am a teacher!) For example, just before Christmas a family in my parents village had a beloved pet run over. And I love how you put it, too, as being a way to move through the world :). Then reading this post about your talks to teach your kids how to be inclusive, well that was very moving and we will certainly be following your lead <3. -Genuine. I am 33 and married now, but to this day, my dad makes it a point to beautifully remind my sister and me of this, every chance he gets. These are the ways we support Cup of Jo, and allow us to run the site and engage with this community we truly love. But out of these adjectives, my family growing up emphasized creativity, knowledge, and caring, and I find that these are three attributes I highly value in my partner, friends, and role models. Kindness After doing so, I have felt a very full range of emotions. Sometimes I think we could all benefit from some “benign neglect!”. I think the disadvantage (other than I was sort of lonely with no sibs), was that so much attention was focused on me. (Though if we had a good night’s sleep I’d say our words are: fun, loving, and inclusive). The word is short for "relationship," but it's used as a verb. ), Just another angle. i am really moved and would love to raise my children to be that kind of persons. Also, when the children were younger and visitors were due, we reminded them of a very British phrase: Family Hold Back or FHB. So far, in our marriage I would say: gratitude, hardworking and curiosity. The other sobering thing is thinking about the words I would choose versus the words I think my husband would choose. Our only daughter will be three in May and I tell her everyday, before I drop her off to pre school “Be kind, be strong and stand up (use your voice) for what you need.” She now completes the phrase before I do. My Mum would always drag my sister and I to those less fortunate so as to hand out food, presents, clothes etc. They know how to chill & crack people up. that’s what stands out in my memory, versus the divorce itself. !” We eventually settled on: Inside were homemade brownies and fresh clementines for me to enjoy on the flight. It didn’t have to be THE best, just MY best. Or maybe you’re on the other side, and you were just given the coveted question: Will you marry me? We do hard things, we lift each other up, and we solve problems. A recent study from PLOS One found that sad music makes people happier after a breakup because it inspires and motivates them to get past the dark times. To this day, my friends marvel at my brother’s and my ability to find the humor in small, often “unfunny,” things. Then you can work together to demonstrate these values to your kids right from the start, and continue to build on them as they grow up. If you think cancel culture isn’t a problem, you might be a Democrat. Though Alvin Miller died in 2012, Peter Miller shared the album’s songs with his grandmother, who said the songs accurately described their relationship, according to NPR. We are Brave: I think about that word every single day. Service and kindness. “When I see your face/There’s not a thing that I would change,” he sings. There are good times, too. (Like polite. I don’t have a family of my own yet, but I can’t wait to have one! Now that I’m a mom, I think balance might be better (for me) than working hard. This was wonderful. I’m going to ask my family what they think our words should be, kids 18 & 20 yos, they will have an opinion, and it’ll be a good one! We chose integrity, kindness (though I said I might prefer compassion since that implies a degree of empathy, though kindness implies action, so that’s a hard call), and thoughtfulness (which we both meant in the sense of thinking things through, and we both debated between that and curiosity). WOW! Will you marry me? Sometimes your love is headed overseas for a semester abroad, or maybe you’re separating because you want different things in life. I’d love to read more about incorporating more act of kindness into everyday life. Here is a perfect playlist for your next date night, Here's a playlist that can help your kids do better in school, Email: hscribner@deseretdigital.com, Twitter: @herbscribner. Love this article! I’m most dreading the social media bullying that I keep hearing about. We are constantly trying to instill empathy and integrity into our son. .) Always be generous. My midwife, she of a thousand babies welcomed in women’s own homes, suggested defining who your family currently IS with your children. We use cookies and other tracking technologies to improve your browsing experience on our site, show personalized content and targeted ads, analyze site traffic, and understand where our audiences come from. My kids are 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 so those are the values dominating my hopes for them right now/ the values they motivate in us as parents. There are so many people I appreciate in my life, whether they are family, friends or simply a passerby that does a kind act. These words were thrown at me and lead me to break my determination, extinguish my passion and hinder my ability to lead. Every day I have my kids say our “family pledge” on our drive to school: Like I was too busy getting good grades and finishing on time to entertain the thought of a semester abroad, and now I feel I missed out. your family sounds really lovely:). What players will join him there? Eventually one kid screamed at him “I don’t like you GET AWAY FROM US” and as my son walked to me crying the boy yelled at him “you’re stupid” and then turned to the other kids and said, “he’s stupid.” Honestly, I almost cried myself. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. curious to try it. This is so thought-provoking! I just asked my husband his thoughts and he immediately responded with: How to Navigate a Special Needs Encounter, ‘Ten Things I Always Tell Pregnant Women’, 21 Completely Subjective Rules for Raising Teenage Boys, One Thing That Has Surprised Me About Parenting, Motherhood Mondays: ‘I Had a Stillborn Baby.’, Green Pancakes Might Be the Best Breakfast for Kids, Anatomy of a Romantic Trip (Without Kids). When I was growing up, our family motto was the musketeers: all for one, and one for all-we always stood up for each other and had each other’s back. Please also read our Privacy Notice and Terms of Use, which became effective December 20, 2019. Funny, I was just trying to think of our “family mantra” as I was decorating the play room for my one-year-old twins. He’s my husband’s spirit guide. I don’t think only children are necessarily “entitled;” if anything, I was the opposite. It’s turned quite a few heated arguments into laughter. I love this! She is always helping others in big ways (like setting up apartments for refugee families) and small ways (like supporting a friend during a hard time). It feels similar to ours. *Sense of humor – I want them to be able to not always take themselves so seriously and to have an optimistic approach to new things and to life in general. . … And what an inspiring way to move through the world. After some thought their eight-year-old volunteered: “We’re the family that watches TV!”, (In that particular case, the parents saw the truth of it, happened to feel appalled, and made life changes to create a different family culture. this is so fun to think about. After reading this post I think my family needs to focus more on service. List of useful family words with family tree chart and relationship chart. It may ground you somewhat and help navigate this tough time. Always take an active role — for your health, for problem-solving, for relationships. We wanted to have a clear and simple framework that would reflect our values and guide our decision-making: “We are Light Shiners, Mountain Movers, and Adventure Creators – Committed to Living a Story Greater Than Ourselves.” Now, whenever we approach a decision or struggle finding a solution to something we are dealing with, we can reflect on this framework. My mom’s (half-joking) motto was “excellence through flexibility”. Thank you for sharing it. Everyone wants to feel acknowledged for their efforts. With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, saying the right words to express your … My parents got divorced when I was 17 and it was very hard. A former All-Star makes a dark horse pick. But I think the worst reaction is to respond. While all the names of God are important in many ways, the name “Abba Father” is one of the most significant names of God in understanding how He relates to people. Thanks for reminding me about this post. But it’s hard to pick just a few. My husband’s family is very physically demonstrative and they love music and film. Bonus word (fourth leg argument): GRIT
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