i and my bf had 6years relationship….we broked up once..about 6 months ago…then i applied nc rule….so we got back together within 15 days…but now after 6months he broked up again.with me in August 30..by saying that i am not understanding and i dont put efforts in relation…his affection for me had gone down..and he said he is never going to back at me again..and he is saying to all his friends that he is happy to be single..after second tym we broke up i started NC rule..immediately ..it has been7 days and he started posting moving on memes in facebook onces and today he posted about..”just becoz u miss someone,that doesnt meant that u need them,its the part of moving on”…this was the lines written in his post..i am confused..my nc is working or not…plz do give me a suggestion. He suffers with depression and insecurities and had cheated on me in the past and recently. Good for you. Shop in Store. Should I do no contact or would it be better to just continue contact? I can’t stop crying it hurts so much. Assuming that your guy has followed the progression I outlined above and is holding resentment towards you for the breakup that occurred you can probably expect the following things to be going on in his mind: You can always expect a little bit of stubbornness to be involved when it comes to someone using silence as revenge. So, we have a guy who hasn’t contacted you at all during your 30 day no contact period. I told him I was moving on and I told him the reasons why. Because of this, your ex-boyfriend is going to have legitimate reservations about getting back together with you. So what kind of response would I give him? I want YOU to take the first step and contact your ex boyfriend via a text message. So yesterday when he seen me I was dressed up and looking different since I lost the weight. Required fields are marked *. Remember, the guy who is stubborn may want more than anything for you to contact him but he just can’t get out of his own way sometimes. So we hadn’t seen each other and I had a NC rule. If they do miss you, they will probably have a hard time resisting the urge to pop up in your life from time to time. Firstly, the no contact rule is only step one in the process. This concept of a Commitment Pyramid is something I have teased out of long existing method for motivation called the Hierarchy of Needs. There are plenty of reasonable, suspicion-free reasons to contact a person. My point is that maybe your ex doesn’t believe in second chances today but that doesn’t mean that they won’t tomorrow. You might have heard me say in my videos that curiosity is a precursor to attraction. Again, I kept in touch and he wanted back. There are a lot of different reasons for why an ex boyfriend would refuse to contact you during the no contact period. Whatever it was that made him break up, he keeps saying it was of me and something i had to deal with. I also think that in my situation, since I pleaded with him in the end (bad move, I know) he probably felt suffocated. He feels like he has contributed and made his mark on the Earth. In other words, the how part of him “getting back at you?”. Hey there! We talked for like an hour & a half, then a few hours after he left my place I sent him a nice text saying that I was thankful for everything he told me, & he responded back pleasantly as well. My husband left me 2 months ago and started dating right away. Do you still think I have a chance obviously? He is also worried that if he gives you a second chance and then re-breaks up with you that you will resent him for it. He keeps check on me every so often and recommends me things to watch, often he initiates first contact. He was my first. Maybe they’ll text you because they miss you. He said he still wasn’t ready and was sorry for sending mixed signals. He left after that without another word. Seriously, I am so used to messaging girls (who I am romantically interested in) first that it is kind of annoying to me to keep doing it. This website has a lot of information about the no contact rule since it is an essential stepping stone to getting your ex boyfriend back. I dolled up, and surely enough, he was there. If your ex feels he is trusted in life and has people he can trust he will be open to the idea of a formal dating. I know he still cares about me a lot, it’s evident in his words and actions when we’re together. Yeah…he is kind of helter skelter…trying to find himself and get connected with his feelings. Sometimes it is up to you to reach out and form that emotional attachment. I started no-contact seven days ago, I’m thinking of going for the 45. I baby sit our dog we had together and he lives with my best friend so when I’m over he comes out sometimes and chats. Maybe you have just started it or maybe you are coming close to your end date. My ex broke up with me around 6-7 weeks ago now, I did a few weeks no contact but reached out after a few weeks and it didn’t go well. If this is the case he is worried about putting you through a painful situation again. Hello. Hello again. I don’t think I want him back I just want to know why what should I do ? But, I don’t want to come as a stalker. It’s not that we don’t care. Your ex-boyfriend can still miss you when they have other priorities in their life that they would like to focus on but these will make him reluctant to get into another relationship. Lets say that you are using the no contact rule on your ex boyfriend. By what you see should I keep with no contact. Where you live – relevant for Long Distance Relationships. Things were going really well for 7 months until my ex said he cannot commit, to him it may be commitment phobia. What do you think is considered a long time for an ex boyfriend to respond to you? Remember, the line between love and hate is very thin. Do I stay in contact or just walk again unless he leaves her? Obviously, my views on this have changed a lot. I have been good at NC but we have a ton of mutual friends and group chats that we both participate in but don’t communicate directly to each other. Hi Sana, so you say you are doing a no contact, however the fact you have spent time looking at his social media accouts show that you a breaking one of the rules. I guess the main point I am trying to make here is that if you manage your expectations you will be much better off. Well, while you are discouraged that he hasn’t grown a spine and contacted you to at least see how you are doing he is sitting back chanting. He doesnt wanna get back together right now but he doesn’t know how he will feel in the future. Work the program and make sure that you work through the holy trinity information. The point I am trying to make here is that silence is very powerful and the no contact rule uses silence to it’s advantage. So, Hold on yourself, while I give out all the situations when a guy says he misses you.. So, what I learned is that my ex while with me was on bumble hoping that there is a bigger fish in the sea, the better one, the younger one. We arent going to be in constant contact anymore because the issue has been resolved. Do You Have The Same Values As Your Ex? Does this mean that the no contact failed? Hi. what should i do Chris? im not in that situation again i feel like he has just broken up with me again,but he kept telling me he doesnt only want sex he loves me but remember he said he doesnt want us to start again. This is most commonly associated with ex-boyfriends suffering from the Grass is Greener syndrome. What church you go to – relevant to interfaith relationships. Lets start out with probably the most likely reason that he may not contact you during no contact, his stubborn nature. On one hand I hear he’s worried of hurting me but on the other now that he has a new girl he’s been a little more social. But not necessarily. I don’t have money to buy the ex boyfriend recovery pro so that you guys can help me, but I would really like your expert advice even if it just a comment or email. I have to admit when I was single and wasn’t ready to settle down there was one ex I would periodically contact to boost my ego. Guys in this zone tend to be struggling to pay their bills, put food on the table, and may not have stable housing. He’s been with her for a little over a month. you’ll need to understand the process we teach) so if you don’t have that foundation I highly recommend you check out my best selling book to get it. Yes, there are time where you have to view it as a game (the talking phase, getting your ex back, etc.) He said that a week ago he would’ve been open to try again but now not anymore. While this is happening I’ve had several break downs and have called him crying telling him how much I miss him and that it’s hard to do this with out him. His heart wants nothing more than to check up on you and see how you are doing. In all, there are 3 legitimate reasons that come to mind. Maybe he’s feeling guilty that he doesn’t miss you. My ex broke up with me 4 months ago. What does this all mean? But what do you think is going on in his mind during this period of no contact? Would you like to know where I came up with that mindset? I want you to think about something for a moment. You have to demonstrate to your ex that a reunion would result in a better relationship, you can‘t try to verbally convince him. But hey, I was young and I didn’t know how to handle my emotions. If your ex tells you he misses you but doesn’t want to get back together, it could mean that your ex is uncertain about whether a reunion would be successful. I have already defined what the no contact rule is in the opening paragraph of this guide but I haven’t really talked about what the purpose of it is. Do you remember what I said the main purpose of the no contact rule was? He accepted this but when I said I needed at least a week to go from a dating mentality to being friends, he didn’t want this. So, they are probably going to be thinking of the whole no contact experience as a game. Sometimes it really pays to be the first one making the move on your ex because not only can you control things a little bit better it is always kind of nice when a guy feels wanted. Heck, most people make relationship decisions based on their emotions. Too often do I run into someone who completely misunderstands the purpose of the no contact rule (again read this article for a refresher.). Perhaps he has not been receiving the level of female attention he had hoped for as a single man. Lets say that you are doing the no contact rule and you happen to run into a stubborn guy who won’t contact you at all. Contribute. Saying that he’s just so happy that I’m talking to him etc. His brother who he was very close to & spent a lot of time with was having his first child & moving across the country, & he had gotten to the second round of interviews for his dream job, but was notified (the day before he broke-up with me) that he didn’t get it. An ex-boyfriend might be reluctant to take you back because they feel you haven’t changed. So, do yourself a favor and don’t turn into that on me. Contact. I started asking my friend to just greet him and ask him about me, but they just encouraged me to contact him so I could find closure. However, I just found out that someone from his family died. I tried NC, he even contacted me two months ago to ask if i wanted to meet up then we didnt speak for three weeks then i let temptation give in and i called him four times and texted him that i missed him, and he agreed to meet up with me only to say the same things and also (i go to school across the country but we met in high school and dated before i went off to college), he said “i cant be in a relationship with someone across the country.” He told me he wanted to stay friends and that i could text him whenever i wanted, he always claims to be “so busy” with work which he is but it’s really b/c he doesn’t want to talk to me. We were together for 18 months. Hi Trina, yes there are many who have done similar to your situation. You are going to follow the no contact rules, work on yourself and then reach out to your ex with a text that Chris has used in his articles. I know I deserve better and I am now doing NC for minimum 30 days. Would An Ex Like This Ever Consider A Reconciliation? Here is what a failing attitude looks like: “I am so depressed… he hasn’t called me… my life revolves around him… blah, blah, blah.”. Right now, you’re probably not in much contact with your ex. Do you want him back? But at the moment I still really hope we can try again. That is the simple and complex way to make your ex miss you. Hi i been with my ex for 2 years we ve been living together , he broke up with me all of sudden almost a month ago saying he is tired of being in relationship he said he still loves me but he wants to be alone he wants to work on himself and that i should work on my self too he never denied any chances of us going back together he was so nice to me even after the break up and i still met him 10 days after we broke up and he said that he miss me anyway he still taking his space i decided to start the no contact rule around 2 weeks ago and to work on changing myself he actually contacted me after 3or 4 days when i start the no contact rule he thought that maybe smtg happened to me but since thn he didn’t contact me anymore. So, you still have to be active in it.. but it looks like you were clingy or somehow he felt suffocated with you because you said it yourself, you made your life around him and invested so much in him.. My boyfriend of 2.5 years says he has no “relationship feelings” for me anymore but still “has caring love for me” and “isn’t in the place for a relationship in life right now.” This has been going on for two months now. You see, most men make relationship decisions based on their emotions. All we do is really argue right now so we arent going to talk for a while.. Do you think I still have a chance or is he lost to her? If he has not reached out and I need to make the first move, what should I be saying to him? Some men are just wired this way and it is really unfortunate because with these men it will usually be you that has to take the first step. Just go slow and easy and maintain your independence. A few days later I returned, restating what I had said last in a more neutral, needs-based, deep communication way, & no response. What did you do then? These kind of big ticket items can be deal-breakers in any relationship. Hi Shannon if you are following this program you need to reach out using the style of text Chris suggests in his articles. Also, what do you think he really feels about his girlfriend? I am sure some of you are sat there feeling bewildered because you want to get married but your ex hasn’t reached the top level of personal achievement yet…. It want’s what it wants and eventually it wore my pride down and a few days later I sent that message. Hey Chris, Happy early birthday, have fun at the cabin and you can give me a shout when you get back”. All Topics. Do not sleep with him no matter what! I have done some really shameful things when I have been ignored in the past. You’re hurting, you’re missing him, and you’re wondering about what the future holds for you. And he didn’t know what was going to happen between us in the future. In fact they miss you a lot. At the end of the night he walked me to my car and he kissed me. Again he got flooded, & it didn’t go well. Perhaps that’s their career, perhaps it’s their social life, it could even be their health. Anyway, I kept NC and it was easy during the holidays because he wasn’t around. Your email address will not be published. I’m confused. So his dad had just died. If he does happen to get in touch with you from anywhere between 21-30 days then I would consider that to be a pretty long time for an ex boyfriend to not respond to you. I am going to stop sleeping with him but I don’t think he is using me for sex. Hi, thank you for an interesting post and topic. A lot was going on in his life. I do laundry at his house sometimes and we talk and hang out while I’m there but I’m scared the waiting game isn’t going to turn out how I wish it to be. As I teach in my No Contact Rule Book, some men are extremely stubborn and will refuse to be the one that reaches out first during the no contact period. We chat and he’s saying things like “I don’t know if I gave up the best thing I ever had” “what if I finish med school and I’m not happy because I don’t have what I really want” etc. Well, you probably threw a tantrum. All of these are great but what can you do if the problem isn’t you, how do you handle an ex who just isn’t ready for a relationship and is emotionally unavailable? Then we talked about who we are dating and stuff like that. I could tell by his demeanor and body language he was not open to hearing what I had to say. The no contact rule was born from this type of thinking. When I’ve reached out to him he was very angry and said he doesn’t want to speak to Me at all and that he never wants to get back together. He got a new girlfriend within a couple days of us breaking up. It might be because of circumstances such a job change or may be because of a temporary breakup after an argument. I remember one time where there was someone I really wanted to talk to. Hi Jane, this is normal thing to be told during a break up, especially an angry one. He says that long distance is just too hard for him and that he wants to date me but not like this. You see, men and women are very similar in many respects. Pick up my eBook if you feel you need guidance! We talked about our good times and how we are both dating other people. What if he never texts me for our hangout this week? I know he loves me but I think it’s a commitment thing? he doesn’t have to like social media.. I figured that out from his Facebook profile. What could be going through his mind and how should I approach the whole no contact plan? Getting your ex to recommit to a relationship takes an understanding of his reservations and you will need to use these to improve yourself and your situation however not all breakups are caused by you, sometimes they relate to how ready your ex-boyfriend is for a serious relationship. I just dated a guy for less than two months. Well here is the clever part, by helping him achieve things higher up the levels you can open up opportunities for a more substantial relationship. No matter what I want YOU to be the one to text him. This really hurt me as I realized that he doesn’t want me, never wanted me, and all this time I was just a back-up plan. So I’ve been trying to focus on myself and learn to be alone. This is SOOOO wrong on so many different levels. Remember, the no contact rule is only the first step of the entire ex boyfriend recovery process. Thankyou! Hi. I was losing my mind. It’s been two weeks, I go to gym, he’s there because he knew I was going. Did he even care?”. Whatever the case if your ex boyfriend hasn’t contacted you yet don’t freak out. Now I understand better why he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. And if you have not done so, pick up a copy of my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro (website Menu/Products link) as it is an awesome Companion Guide that can help along the way of this process….and believe ex recovery is a process in lots of ways…for your own emotional recovery and for getting your ex back and figuring out what you really want. However, his pride is telling him not to do it. This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. After our second round of NC (we’ve been broken up for 5 months) my ex of 3.5 years reached out to me. You have embarked on the no contact rule and you are feeling pretty darn good about yourself. What to Do When He Doesn't Call When He Says He Will: When A Guy Says He Will Call You Back But Doesn't. He’ll probably ask you some non-important question or talk about the weather, but he’s trying to keep the connection. This reason is one of those things you won’t want to hear about. However, when it comes time to actually build or grow your relationship communication is going to be required. I do want him back but I want him to want me back and be sure of me. I begged him to please not do this and to please let me back in his life . I decided to delete my social media for me to make it easier with no contact. I told him that I will try my best to work on myself and grow. He said he will help me as a thank for my help, but I sense he some how needs his own space at the moment. He might even be frustrated and overwhelmed by his longing for you. Because I have literally been in that position before. I feel I’ve grown so much and I want him to benefit from that. (If you want the more in-depth explanation of what it is and how to properly do it I suggest you read this article pronto.). Hi But a little background, the break-up came out of nowhere. We decided on no-contact, which I broke a couple weeks later when I asked him for another phone call. Hi. The next day, he deleted all our pictures off social media. He said he cares about me more than anyone in his life. A week later, I realised I was just confused and made a mistake, and I actually really want to try dating again. Thus, many women feel almost entitled when it comes to men talking to them. Hello it’s been already two weeks since my ex broke up with me it was a 6 month relationship he said that he wasn’t feeling it that we moved to fast into it but still wanted to go out on dates ect. I think that works. After a month and a half of trying to get life in order and struggle through the move he said I didn’t love him because I wasn’t affectionate. For example, if you go into the no contact rule dead set on believing that your ex is going to blow up your phone with messages like: (This text example was taken from an excerpt of one of my books The Texting Bible.). First time he broke up with me was because there was someone “taller and smaller” which to me it sounded like I’m short and fat. He cheated because he wanted to and because he could. I know I can’t take him back because I’m afraid things will be the same and I will loose myself again but it felt nice for him to admit that he messed up and that he knows I would not go back with him. He moved out it was very unemotional and easy for me to leave him. 5 Situations when a Guy says he misses you: See, you may have already seen many websites that bombard you with some absolute non-sense, which are in no way practical. I want you to close your eyes and imagine something with me for a moment. In other words, they get addicted to the compliments and admiration they get in a relationship and they convince themselves that the girl has to do all the work. We have talked about these issues and he never seems to want to work on them. Don’t even try to deny it because deep down you know it’s true. In fact, I recently filmed a video about just that. If a guy doesn’t trust a woman, he shouldn’t be with her. “Of course you do! For a good 4 days yet he was still looking at my social media statuses everytime. Now, what does any of this have to do with a guy “getting back at you?”. Then you are going to be extremely disappointed and depressed if stuff like this doesn’t happen at all. He said that he wants me but cannot be in a relationship now or any time soon. My ex is obviously in some kind of survival mode since he is struggling with burnout. Why he doesn’t want to get back together. Today he came by my place, unannounced, and told me he loves me, he misses me and thinks about me constantly but as long as things continue the way they have been he doesn’t see a future with me. Take the quiz. Instead he is trying to set-up for a Friends with Benefits arrangement. He showed up this week to a bar he knew I’d be at to hang out with me and the group (he would never show up before despite the invites our friends gave him) so why is he showing up more now. What do I do? I would suggest that you follow a short No Contact and then start your texting phase to attempt to rebuild your connection. May be you parted ways after an … The no contact rule is meant to tap into that loss and cause an ex boyfriend to contact you but is that the true purpose of the no contact rule? two weeks before our break-up, he was burying his father. He doesn’t like me going to the gym because other guys will look at me. I know that medical school and marriage seem like a long short, but a lot of people have done it and are still pulling it off. He tried to call and text me a ‘hope you’re OK x’ text yday. You know, the “he is going to have to text me if he wants to talk” type of attitude. Good job with getting your NC started. What If You See Your Ex On A Dating Website? The fifth and final level, is the magical level. Now he doesn’t call. You can rest assured they still like you. Last week I supported and helped my ex with a job application and cv. He obviously needs time to get his act together. So nothing made sense. that means your no contact period is working.. he’s getting curious on why you’re not chasing. Yes, if he does contact you that means deep down there is a part of him that misses you. How do I know this? One of the definite signs your ex misses you is that their profile picture is still a photo of the two of you together. Well, the same can be said about the no contact rule as there are parts of it that can be very complicated. If he’s Skyping or FaceTiming you, he wants to see you. I suddenly reAlized what i had done and that i regret not trying hard enough in our relationship. We started to chat on the phone again but he’s very mean. Did the NC, have been succesfully texting and have met my ex a couple of times. I suppose I could have done a better job of explaining the complexities of how this is all supposed to play out. The third level, covers an ex-boyfriend’s need to feel close to people emotionally, he will want friends and family. You see, every day when I wake up I do one of two things. In essence, they are continually practicing their social skills. When this happens, your ex needs to see visible changes in you and improvement for a potential relationship in the future. I broke up with my ex of 4 years, 7 months ago now and still miss him like crazy. when and how long did you do nc? The first person to reach out loses the game and they will refuse to lose that game. If your ex is trying to contact you after a breakup. Anyways, it seems that I have developed a new pet peeve when it comes to communicating with you ladies. I know the relationship was toxic towards the end, I just can’t seem to accept that we are done. Secondly, I can tell you that I am absolutely thrilled when a girl takes the initiative to message me. I had planned my life around him and I invested so much. What about when you were in high school and you really liked a boy who wouldn’t give you the time of day? After that, we were sending some texts back & forth, but nothing substantial. And he has been texting and calling me during NC. All the time he was talking and giving excuses, all I could think of was “I’m done” but I kept my silence and just let him talk his balls off. He just wants to talk to you but doesn’t want to make it boring. I ignored both. So, this ties into what I was saying before about the fact that just because a guy doesn’t contact you during the no contact rule doesn’t mean that the rule failed. One reason an ex might say he is misses you, is that he is feeling lonely and insecure. You said it was a toxic relationship and that you can not get back with him then do not cross that line or you will end up in a even more toxic friends with benefits situation while trying to date others and going through a divorce. Well, if the two of you just have this never ending no contact battle with one another then nothing is going to happen that could help you two reunite. This would correlate with what I would call the “uncommitted-committed relationship”…… basically the sort of dating before everyone gets serious and starts talking about the future. So far we have talked about the progression that a guy goes through (in his mind) if he is going to “get back at you.” Don’t remember? You know, how breakups are hard on everyone involved. He finds every excuse in the book to contact you. So i believe his decision had a lot of influence. Yesterday I had to meet up with him to pick up money since he is still paying the mortgage. While it is entirely possible that those three outcomes can occur it is also possible that all three may not occur. As always the key to winning your ex over is to “Show, don’t tell”…. As I’ve written about multiple times in my experience, ex boyfriends have a tendency to contact you at the strangest of times. But I don’t think he will commit to a relationship again considering he broke it the first time because he needed to focus on school and not being in love with me. I feel that women often have an advantage over men because women are constantly talking to other women about their feelings. Towards the beginning of this guide I went on this whole rant about how the no contact rule can still be working even if your ex doesn’t contact you. I feel like I don’t want to kick him out of my life but I also just don’t want to just sit here and remain only friends. He was here for almost 9 hours…. This is especially true when it comes to men who are extremely stubborn. Your ex-boyfriend knows that this possibility is enough to keep you around in case his life doesn’t work out as planned. You get to control when the conversation is started and assuming you play your cards right when it will end.
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